Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
