By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize