i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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