So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Every concussion has its silver lining
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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