I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
