It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
