history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
