How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
