Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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