Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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