I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
