I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
