someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
