I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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