Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
