the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
