I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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