Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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