I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Say something about gay babies.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
