i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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