hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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