He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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