whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
