even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He shit in the fireplace
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
