so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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