It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
