ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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