dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
