Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
