I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
