Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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