His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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