yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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