Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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