Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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