im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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