nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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