I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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