who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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