My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
