ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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