every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
