Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
