Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
