Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
