Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
