even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
