i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
