im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
