My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
