Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
