she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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