I must be too annoying 4 u.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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