he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
