I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
