I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
