I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
