By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
