you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
