Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
