its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
