My nipple is on Facebook.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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