I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He better not be in your backpack
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize