I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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