and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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