respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize