hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
