A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
