He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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