but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
