we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
