oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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