i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
