can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
