hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize