so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
