This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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