My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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