I'm eating all of the evidence.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
