Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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