do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize