I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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