i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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