Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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