Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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