ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
