i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My feet surprised me
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