somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
