we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
