On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
God I need to hump something, right now.
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