my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize