remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bring me that man meat
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
