Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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