Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
