he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
